Life is unpredictable! So are people. They change; amazing, annoying or hurting you. They never remain the same. If you think you know them, you are wrong. They always show their one color or another. And you keep on wondering is it you who’s always wrong or the people always disappoint!
Time changes, and so do people. They only see their good in everything. You do not matter to them. And is you think you do, you are deceiving yourself. You always believe in this illusion that people are concerned for you. In fact, they never are. They never are concerned with what you feel and think. They only care for their own interests and benefits. They have their own personal motives which they are fulfilling often using you as a pathway. And in this process of personal gain, you misunderstand them and think you have made your place in their life. But, in reality, you are never important to them. You are not in their life or in their heart. You are never able to understand what they are in real. The truth that seems to be a truth is always a lie.
Faces deceive. Always. A man is not what he appears to be. The real face is hidden deep down somewhere. What we see is just a mask they are wearing for the world to see.
And we often believe them. Trust them. That is the worst mistake we make. Ever!
Never ever trust someone. Never trust what people appear to be. Never trust what they say, until they prove it. And they always prove wrong what they say. They negate their own words and then you see their real personality. The original version of them. And that is the most dreadful reality. Hard to accept. Difficult to absorb. Nearly impossible to digest that nightmarish reality!
But you have to bear it. To believe that you have been deceived, yet again!
The time when you are sleepless… When there is so much going on in your head. That you cannot control.
There is a lot that’s going in your life. Good or bad, many things that you wish you could control. But you cannot. That creates a feeling of helplessness. When you can’t control yourself or your life. When you can’t control what’s going on around you. When you can’t control the things you don’t want to happen. When you can’t control people from hurting you. When you just can’t control your mind not to think all that you don’t want to think.
If its’ good on one side, that doesn’t mean all is good. There are many twists and turns in life. There are many faces to life. You cannot just control each of them. You cannot control at times how you feel, how you think, how you react. Sometimes, your own self is just out of control.
It’s difficult. Yes it is. Not being able to control your mind, your emotions, your reactions. It’s difficult. It’s hard. Not being able to help yourself. It hurts. It feels so helpless.
When you know that it’s going to happen and you can’t help it. You sit there helplessly. Feeling miserable. Feeling crippled.
I wish mind had a shutdown button like our mobiles and laptops. At least we could stop thinking for some time. We could relax. But no, it does not have it. It does not lets you relax, sleep or be comfortable. It keeps on making you insane all the time. And here you go, you can’t help it.
They say there are certain things you cannot control. And you should compromise with the things you cannot control. Easier said than done. Not at all easy. It feels chained. Bound. Shackled.
And there you are, feeling helpless, sleepless, again.
1:30 A.M. Sleepless!
Time changes us. People too. Sometimes people make us happy. Sometimes they hurt us. Sometimes they make a significant change in our lives. Sometimes they don’t let us forget something. Some good moments, some bad times.
But the problem starts when you can’t forget, can’t forgive. Even if you forgive, you can’t forget. There are some things that are not in our control. Worrying over them or trying to change them is useless. Still we do so. Because that’s not in our control to let go of it. They say that let go of the things that are in your circle of no control. Easier said than done. Not at all easy.
No matter how hard you try, you cannot do so. No matter how much you want, you can’t change some things. They are inevitable. Some people some situations are unavoidable, inescapable. You cannot just close your eyes to what you do not want to see or close your ears to what you do not want to hear. You have to, whether you like it or not.
There are times you wish you could run away somewhere, or be invisible. But you cannot.
There are times you wish you could disappear and not face the people. But you cannot.
There are times you wish you could have escaped your presence. But you cannot.
Not everything is in your control. No matter how hard you try, you sometimes cannot avoid being hurt. Times you cannot change things as per your wish. Times you cannot make anything happen that you want.
That time when you are completely helpless. You feel crippled. Betrayed. Hurt. Alone. Anguished. Painful. Depressed. Sad. That time when you feel sorry for yourself. When you feel it difficult to live. When you feel worthless. When you don’t even feel like living. That is the worst time you ever face in your life! Darkness. Life at a dead end.