The time when you are sleepless… When there is so much going on in your head. That you cannot control.
There is a lot that’s going in your life. Good or bad, many things that you wish you could control. But you cannot. That creates a feeling of helplessness. When you can’t control yourself or your life. When you can’t control what’s going on around you. When you can’t control the things you don’t want to happen. When you can’t control people from hurting you. When you just can’t control your mind not to think all that you don’t want to think.
If its’ good on one side, that doesn’t mean all is good. There are many twists and turns in life. There are many faces to life. You cannot just control each of them. You cannot control at times how you feel, how you think, how you react. Sometimes, your own self is just out of control.
It’s difficult. Yes it is. Not being able to control your mind, your emotions, your reactions. It’s difficult. It’s hard. Not being able to help yourself. It hurts. It feels so helpless.
When you know that it’s going to happen and you can’t help it. You sit there helplessly. Feeling miserable. Feeling crippled.
I wish mind had a shutdown button like our mobiles and laptops. At least we could stop thinking for some time. We could relax. But no, it does not have it. It does not lets you relax, sleep or be comfortable. It keeps on making you insane all the time. And here you go, you can’t help it.
They say there are certain things you cannot control. And you should compromise with the things you cannot control. Easier said than done. Not at all easy. It feels chained. Bound. Shackled.
And there you are, feeling helpless, sleepless, again.
1:30 A.M. Sleepless!